Angry with God? Questioning His faithfulness?

✨🚨TESTIMONY TIME🚨✨

For a very long time in my life, I used to think God was a liar. For several years, I believed God had favorites and that His blessings were for selected people. During my meditation times, I would «hum» at some verses and shake my head because I was persuaded God’s love wasn’t for everyone, especially for someone like me, with a heart like mine, with addictions like mine, with a past like mine. For many years, I believed my salvation was an accident and that if God could (as if He couldn’t), He would have just sent me to hell direct ! For a long time, I believed God and I were together because there was no other way. I was convinced God didn’t want me around but since He cannot contradict His Word, He had no other choice but well… bear with me, His new daughter, who happened to hear the Gospel and choose to follow Jesus.

I doubted God’s faithfulness for many years. I was suffering from jealousy because I would see others happy but me? Sadness and comparison were my routine. I started thinking my calling was something like «helping others get into their destinies» but that there was no specific plan for my life. The relationship deceptions, rejections and injustice I was going through made me think God loved others more than me. This thought was so strong inside of me that I once yelled in the church congregation that God was a liar amid someone prophesying that God wanted to heal us from our pains 😅 (you can say CHAI 😩 but for real this actually happened 😅😫)

I could preach the gospel to others, and expose the truth of God’s grace to others but I didn’t believe it for myself because why? And how? What was the proof of God’s love for me? I used to tell God in my prayers «Your love for me stopped in Golgotha, on that cross. After that, I don’t know, like… whatever…». I was persuaded Heaven was the only happy place but when God chose to open my eyes, oh how my life changed ! 😫😩

Not wanting to make this story longer, if you’re reading this and you think that God is not faithful, then here are some possible reasons:

1. You have the wrong expectations of Him, i.e. you are praying or waiting on something opposite to God’s will for your life

2. You’re idealising and idolising a certain idea or thing in your life as the source of your happiness and are missing out on the true joy that is found in God alone

3. You are going through a wilderness that got you weary and you need to hold on a little bit longer

4. You lack knowledge about the nature of God or you have a faith deficit that needs to experience who God truly is

5. You have strongholds in your life that oppose God’s truth/Word

6. Etc.

An advice I can give you if you’re feeling this way is to be transparent and honest with God. It took me courage to face God and tell Him I was deceived and sad and angry with Him, to later on realise I was just BLIND! Blinded by my circumstances. Take your heart to Jesus, however polluted it is 🖤💨. If He died for you, He won’t fail at listening and understanding you. Our God is a healer and the lifter of our heads ✨ I dare you to try Him.

~ Chosen de Yeshoua 💕